Weaponizing Therapy in collectivist Cultures
As a Latina therapist, I understand the importance of creating safe and supportive environments for individuals to explore their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. However, in collectivist cultures where family dynamics play a crucial role, therapy can sometimes be weaponized against individuals by their families. I will delve into the nuanced dynamics of weaponizing therapy in collectivist cultures, shedding light on its impact and providing guidance on how to navigate these challenges.
Collectivist cultures prioritize the needs and goals of the group over those of the individual, placing a premium on communal well-being, interdependence, and loyalty to the family. While this can foster a sense of community and support, it can also create challenges when individuals seek therapy, especially if family members perceive therapy as a threat to the family. Seeking therapy, an already stigmatized topic can be perceived as a deviation from cultural norms, and challenging the family hierarchy.
Weaponizing Therapy: A Closer Look
Weaponizing therapy involves the manipulation or misuse of therapeutic practices for ulterior motives often within the familial context. It manifests in various ways:
Shame & Manipulation: Loved ones may manipulate the information you share from therapy sessions by twisting the therapist’s words or interpretation or as a means to guilt or coerce you into certain decisions or behaviors.
Invalidation of Individual Experiences: Gaslighting and invalidation by loved ones undermines the individual’s sense of autonomy and self-worth, creating a cycle of self-doubt and emotional distress.
Using Therapy Against You: Loved ones may intentionally (or sometimes unintentionally) use information shared from therapy against you such as exposing personal vulnerabilities or struggles to shame. This may look like
Coercion and Control: In some cases, loved ones weaponize therapy as a tool for coercion or control leading loved ones to exert dominance, enforce conformity, or silence dissenting voices within the family.
Forcing Therapy: Some loved ones might force an individual into therapy against their will or as a means to “fix” the individual according to the family’s expectations, rather than respecting the individual’s autonomy.
Here are some phrases you may hear when a family member or loved one is weaponizing therapy:
Minimization: “You know you’re overreacting. It wasn’t that bad, even your therapist will say so.”
Denial of Reality: “That’s not how it happened, you’re remembering it wrong. You should sort out your confusion in therapy.”
Blaming: “You’re always making things up or exaggerating. The therapist should be aware of your dramatization.”
Shifting Blame: “If you hadn’t acted that way, we would’t be in dealing with this. I’m sure the therapist will agree that your behavior is the problem.”
Twisting Words: “Your therapist said you need to work on communication skills because you can’t seem to understand anything correctly.”
If you have experienced a family member weaponizing therapy, please be cautious with the information you share with them. Remember these tactics can also be used outside your family dynamics, maybe in the workplace or with friends. By recognizing these tactics, you can step into empowerment and reclaim your sense of self-worth and autonomy toward healing and self-discovery.
